Back To December

1….big baby in the form of Bumblebee who turned one recently.
2….times this year that I heard the words “I love you” expressed to me.
3….properties thus far, to flog off two by next year.
4….deals closed this year, I kickass.
5….fingers on right hand were very active this year…sex, what’s that again?

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So there I was, nursing a sprained back and a double shot latte at hand, sitting down on one of the shopping mall benches (rare find during holiday season) watching Bumblebee terrorize the kids who were crowding around a giant Christmas tree. He looked like he had his double shot latte already, hardly wincing after repeated falls (still losing his balance when he gets too excited) and hitting his head on what must be a giant reindeer from his tiny perspective. I looked quizzingly at my 2nd cup of caffeine which was doing jackshit to my system, wondering like an old man if the barrista has decided to play coffee-grinch by substituting my drink with decaf. Oh boy, old, jaded and paranoid. I promised myself I won’t get into a melancholic mood this year end and start reflecting about what this year was about, it has never been easy for me, ever..and every year since turning 30 has decidedly been challenging as I grapple with a host of personal conflicts, failed relationships and the ever present “Its complicated” situations. Maybe it’s the way I like it….maybe for the lack of anything more engaging and purposeful, I have come to rely on these to remind myself that I am a being with feelings too, and because I feel, therefore I am alive….

Bumblebee has decided to hijack a red bauble from the tree and is heading towards the escalator in what must be a naïve hope to make a quick getaway..champion. I tore after him and felt a shot of pain from my back, hot latte scalding my hands….caught him, just…carried him with one hand while juggling my latte and felt another shot of pain. At this point, I have a smile etched on my face from Bumblebee’s antics and the pain…I am alive…

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I started this blog approximately one year back. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone, thanks for reading and checking-in, it has played a part in keeping me sane :)

Taylor Swift - Back To December

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to december, turn around and make it all right and
I go back to december all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to december all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to december, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to december all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand