Mad Season

Mad Season by Matchbox 20

I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - I could’ve been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down

I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - think it's funny how now one knows
We don't talk about - the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season

I feel stupid - but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly - but I know I still turn you on
You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down

+++

It has been a mad season indeed, my mental health have not been the best these past 3 months or so. Besides the anti social tendencies like having lunch/dinner alone at my secret hideouts and drinks alone at bar counters, I have noticed that I am prone to occasional bouts of self pity and melancholy. While I remain optimistic in my meanderings at work and career outlook at Bankerland, the gnawing void that I feel on the family and social front is beginning to snowball into a messy yarn of sticky tape and goo. It is infinitely pointless and disappointing to have friends saying that I should be happy with what I have, and that they wish they had what I have etc etc. It is lip service to say the least and to gloss over the real reasons behind it is to simply brush aside my feelings and what is important to me. Sorry if my issues are such an affront to your nice cosy bubble, I swear it wasn’t my intention to pollute your sphere of positive energy.

So much for friends and perhaps that is a chief reason why I rather spend time alone these days. I simply can’t say for certain that there is someone out there who can comprehend and is able to provide the kind of support I need. That’s too much too ask I suppose. Could it be the fear of delving into a world that they rather not see or just plain selfishness? Is it me, or is it harder to form real friendships these days where everything fast and superficial is in vogue? Where are the care bear stares and offer of cookies and milk to make everything seem better?

Mad season it is, better to be alone for now.