Overheard in Banker Wanker's world:
Moonlight : "Do you miss me?"
Banker Wanker : "Yeah I do..."
Moonlight : "I will see you soon?"
Banker Wanker : "Not soon enough...you don't really need me. Its the idea that you have someone to turn to that keeps you here. It could be anyone else. It is hard to be just an idea..."
Moonlight : "I am sorry...."
+++
The idea of being just an idea kills me sometimes. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprise that this is a recurring theme in my life. I was afterall conceived by accident, unplanned...an idea some 30 plus years ago. I have had more than one girlfriend in the past that were coming out of nasty relationships, and I was the rebound guy, the fallback guy, the compromise...yeah, a nice idea, to have for the long lonely nights, with alcohol to numb the senses so as to dull the disappointment that they are not with the one they longed for. You know what, I am a tragedy of epic proportions. And do you know what tragedy is, as defined in the Shakespearean and Greek context? Tragedy is a form of art based on human suffering that offers its audience pleasure. No kidding, wiki it. So, Banker Wanker's life is a tragedy because it has/provides/is....
1. human suffering, check;
2. audience pleasure, check;
3. a form of art (very subjective), check.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Our eden's a failure
Overheard in Bankerland
Banker Wanker: “Cepat cepat…bangun, bangun Isabella….”
Isabella: “Coming, coming…..aiyah, mistake again”
Banker Wanker: “Ayuh, ayuh……”
Isabella: “Aiyah, mistake again…..”
Banker Wanker : *smacks forehead*
It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log…..good help is hard to find these days.
Banker Wanker: “Congrats…you deserve it”
Snoop Dawg: “This is for real? I didn’t expect this….”
Banker Wanker: “There was some lobbying and meetings, but we manage to pull it through”
Snoop Dawg : “Wow, a few more of these and I can be your boss laa”
Banker Wanker: “Your misguided ambition is commendable but ultimately futile at best. Now please, make yourself useful and give me a foot rub then after that, go and wash my car in the car park”
Snoop Dawg : “Only if you allow me to suck your toes and wash your car topless….”
Banker Wanker: “You sick sick puppy…”
Snoop Dawg: “Woof”
+++
Bumblebee is growing real fast now and it is fascinating watching him learn new things every week and seeing his overall physical and mental development. On the good days, I can almost comprehend how some fathers can absolutely adore their offsprings and devote 100% of their entire lives to the well being of their kids with the kind of commitment and sacrifices that I can only dream off and unable to fully proffer in my current state. On the bad days, I feel like the world's burden is on me and that I deserve to be happier and on these days, running away is the overwhelming desire that envelopes me into a catatonic state of ambivalence. Its shameful, I know and please don't judge me. In the eyes of those around me i.e my family on both sides, I am up for nomination for dad of the decade. But, as I have said in my older post, I am only giving my 65%. The other 35% is currently in the wilderness, focused into relationships, work and endeavours that provide me with some measure of sanity albeit short lived in most cases. I hope Bumblebee grows up not ever knowing how screwed up his dad is, it’s a real shame really.
Sarah Mclachlan – U Want Me Too
You walk on by
Clueless and so high
Following your aimless
Path away from us
You're so far away
And what can I say
Cause I can't be the one
You wanted me to be
So tell me
How do you feel
It's so confusing
If you let it all go
It'll fall apart
Do you want me to stay
And say I still want you
U want me 2, don't you?
So what are we saying
Our eden's a failure
A made-up story
To fit
The picture-perfect world
The one with I do's
And I love you
And we are made
For each other
Is forever over now?
And tell me
How do you feel
It's so confusing
If you let it all go
It'll fall apart
Do you want me to stay
And say I still want you
U want me 2, don't you?
I hope there's forgiveness
In the distance between us
Can we make what lies
Ahead of us
A better place to be?
Banker Wanker: “Cepat cepat…bangun, bangun Isabella….”
Isabella: “Coming, coming…..aiyah, mistake again”
Banker Wanker: “Ayuh, ayuh……”
Isabella: “Aiyah, mistake again…..”
Banker Wanker : *smacks forehead*
It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log…..good help is hard to find these days.
Banker Wanker: “Congrats…you deserve it”
Snoop Dawg: “This is for real? I didn’t expect this….”
Banker Wanker: “There was some lobbying and meetings, but we manage to pull it through”
Snoop Dawg : “Wow, a few more of these and I can be your boss laa”
Banker Wanker: “Your misguided ambition is commendable but ultimately futile at best. Now please, make yourself useful and give me a foot rub then after that, go and wash my car in the car park”
Snoop Dawg : “Only if you allow me to suck your toes and wash your car topless….”
Banker Wanker: “You sick sick puppy…”
Snoop Dawg: “Woof”
+++
Bumblebee is growing real fast now and it is fascinating watching him learn new things every week and seeing his overall physical and mental development. On the good days, I can almost comprehend how some fathers can absolutely adore their offsprings and devote 100% of their entire lives to the well being of their kids with the kind of commitment and sacrifices that I can only dream off and unable to fully proffer in my current state. On the bad days, I feel like the world's burden is on me and that I deserve to be happier and on these days, running away is the overwhelming desire that envelopes me into a catatonic state of ambivalence. Its shameful, I know and please don't judge me. In the eyes of those around me i.e my family on both sides, I am up for nomination for dad of the decade. But, as I have said in my older post, I am only giving my 65%. The other 35% is currently in the wilderness, focused into relationships, work and endeavours that provide me with some measure of sanity albeit short lived in most cases. I hope Bumblebee grows up not ever knowing how screwed up his dad is, it’s a real shame really.
Sarah Mclachlan – U Want Me Too
You walk on by
Clueless and so high
Following your aimless
Path away from us
You're so far away
And what can I say
Cause I can't be the one
You wanted me to be
So tell me
How do you feel
It's so confusing
If you let it all go
It'll fall apart
Do you want me to stay
And say I still want you
U want me 2, don't you?
So what are we saying
Our eden's a failure
A made-up story
To fit
The picture-perfect world
The one with I do's
And I love you
And we are made
For each other
Is forever over now?
And tell me
How do you feel
It's so confusing
If you let it all go
It'll fall apart
Do you want me to stay
And say I still want you
U want me 2, don't you?
I hope there's forgiveness
In the distance between us
Can we make what lies
Ahead of us
A better place to be?
Friday, June 18, 2010
Many Secrets I Have
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. -Fran Lebowitz
Banker Wanker needs some sleep……
Love is like a bazaar: The admittance is free-- but it costs you something before you get out.- Unknown
True that, true that…..
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
Salty Siap (colleague but not a friend) : “How is it going?”
Banker Wanker : “Getting there…getting there. How’s the family?”
Salty Siap : “Oh, well, things are better now, but not much better…….” *continues on for the longest time*
Banker Wanker : “Ohh, that’s tough…really”
Salty Siap : “And that’s not all……….” *continues spewing bits and pieces of news and information that is a tad personal in Banker Wanker’s humble opinion”
Banker Wanker : “Ohh….” *pretends to check blackberry* “Hey, the Lakers won!”
Banker Wanker ran for his dear life.
Banker Wanker: *cough cough cough*
Capon : “ I think I passed my cough to you”
Banker Wanker : “We didn’t even kiss”
Capon: “Kissing not required”
Banker Wanker : “Maybe you got cough germs on your ass”
Capon: “Huh?”
Banker Wanker: -_- *kiss ass, kiss ass….get it*
It was a slow day.....
+++
I get it, really I do. I take two steps forward, you pull me three steps backwards. I shuffle to the right for some space, you compress the left hand side, and in no time, I am slowly nudged to the edge of the cliff, looking down to see jagged rocks and crushing waves ready to greet free fallers. Its not that bad, its not that bad at all...thanks life, you rock.
Secrets by One Republic
I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til’ all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I’ve said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I’ve been on the brink, so
Tell me what you want from here
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I’m gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don’t need another perfect line
Don’t care if critics never jump in line
I’m gonna give all my secrets away
My god, amazing how we got this far
It’s like we’re chasing all those stars
Who’s driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don’t really like my flow, no, so
Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don’t let me disappear
I’mma tell you everything
Banker Wanker needs some sleep……
Love is like a bazaar: The admittance is free-- but it costs you something before you get out.- Unknown
True that, true that…..
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
Salty Siap (colleague but not a friend) : “How is it going?”
Banker Wanker : “Getting there…getting there. How’s the family?”
Salty Siap : “Oh, well, things are better now, but not much better…….” *continues on for the longest time*
Banker Wanker : “Ohh, that’s tough…really”
Salty Siap : “And that’s not all……….” *continues spewing bits and pieces of news and information that is a tad personal in Banker Wanker’s humble opinion”
Banker Wanker : “Ohh….” *pretends to check blackberry* “Hey, the Lakers won!”
Banker Wanker ran for his dear life.
Banker Wanker: *cough cough cough*
Capon : “ I think I passed my cough to you”
Banker Wanker : “We didn’t even kiss”
Capon: “Kissing not required”
Banker Wanker : “Maybe you got cough germs on your ass”
Capon: “Huh?”
Banker Wanker: -_- *kiss ass, kiss ass….get it*
It was a slow day.....
+++
I get it, really I do. I take two steps forward, you pull me three steps backwards. I shuffle to the right for some space, you compress the left hand side, and in no time, I am slowly nudged to the edge of the cliff, looking down to see jagged rocks and crushing waves ready to greet free fallers. Its not that bad, its not that bad at all...thanks life, you rock.
Secrets by One Republic
I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til’ all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I’ve said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I’ve been on the brink, so
Tell me what you want from here
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I’m gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don’t need another perfect line
Don’t care if critics never jump in line
I’m gonna give all my secrets away
My god, amazing how we got this far
It’s like we’re chasing all those stars
Who’s driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don’t really like my flow, no, so
Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don’t let me disappear
I’mma tell you everything
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
September is a dream
The smallest things can me make me smile at times. This morning, a song from the 80s was playing on air right before I entered the tunnel sans the reception. I "manually" took over the song in hope that when I have exited the tunnel, the song would continue on from where I sang it to. Spot on...shiok sendiri.
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
One late night....
Banker Wanker: "I got some news for you. Capon says he is putting you up for promotion"
Isabella: "Really?" *perks up for awhile after a long long week*
Banker Wanker: "Yeah, you deserve it. Hopefully its a good jump. Go home la, our work is done here"
Isabella: "Thanks, really. Its a good start for the weekend"
Banker Wanker is happy to spread some joy around...this makes two now. At least other people around me is happy. Some alms please? Anyone?
Da King: "Fark this, I am getting no support at all from the bosses"
Banker Wanker: "Its been like this for the longest time...we have to make some of the decisions, have to deal with it lor"
Da King: "I am not paid to make decisions like this"
Banker Wanker: "Hmmmm....." *sure or not?*
Banker Wanker has been making the decisions and playing boss for the longest time AND not exactly earning much more than the rest. Time for the others to buck up or ship out.
+++
Trending now in Banker Wanker's world:
- Dying with work
- Dying with stupid colleagues
- Dying for a beach holiday
- Dying for meaningful friendships
- Dying for meaningful relationships
- Dying to get out of the country for awhile...alone
- Dying.....period
September by Daughtry
How the time passed away? All the trouble that we gave
And all those days we spent out by the lake
Has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made
One by one they vanish just the same
Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain
In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end
Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear
So we made our way by finding what was real
Now the days are so long that summer's moving on
We reach for something that's already gone
Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain
In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
One late night....
Banker Wanker: "I got some news for you. Capon says he is putting you up for promotion"
Isabella: "Really?" *perks up for awhile after a long long week*
Banker Wanker: "Yeah, you deserve it. Hopefully its a good jump. Go home la, our work is done here"
Isabella: "Thanks, really. Its a good start for the weekend"
Banker Wanker is happy to spread some joy around...this makes two now. At least other people around me is happy. Some alms please? Anyone?
Da King: "Fark this, I am getting no support at all from the bosses"
Banker Wanker: "Its been like this for the longest time...we have to make some of the decisions, have to deal with it lor"
Da King: "I am not paid to make decisions like this"
Banker Wanker: "Hmmmm....." *sure or not?*
Banker Wanker has been making the decisions and playing boss for the longest time AND not exactly earning much more than the rest. Time for the others to buck up or ship out.
+++
Trending now in Banker Wanker's world:
- Dying with work
- Dying with stupid colleagues
- Dying for a beach holiday
- Dying for meaningful friendships
- Dying for meaningful relationships
- Dying to get out of the country for awhile...alone
- Dying.....period
September by Daughtry
How the time passed away? All the trouble that we gave
And all those days we spent out by the lake
Has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made
One by one they vanish just the same
Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain
In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end
Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear
So we made our way by finding what was real
Now the days are so long that summer's moving on
We reach for something that's already gone
Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain
In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Menjejak Mimpi...quickie
Compressing 5 days of work into 4 days (on leave for a day this week) is immensely painful. But it is good in a way, cause it leaves me little time to ponder and marinate in my cesspool of emotional sludge. Not that marinating in Bankerland’s Capon inspired crap is that great, but at least I am getting paid for it and it warms me so to think that there are many more chumps marinating with me...sama sama, menjejak mimpi (ngeri)
+++
Overheard in Banker Wanker’s world:
Banker Wanker :”I have missed you….”
Moonlight : “Yeah right…..”
Banker Wanker :”Is it that hard to believe?”
Moonlight : “I don’t want to sometimes…it hurts.”
Banker Wanker : “Ohh…..”
Overheard in Bankerland:
Snoop Dawg : "Don't miss me while I am away"
Banker Wanker : "I will miss you like a zit between my crack"
Snoop Dawg : "Is your crack pretty or not first?"
Banker Wanker : -_- *give up* *proceeds to walk away*
Snoop Dawg : "Hairy?"
Banker Wanker : *flips the finger without looking back*
+++
Prince of Persia is so…bleh. A very ordinary pop corn movie only.
+++
Overheard in Banker Wanker’s world:
Banker Wanker :”I have missed you….”
Moonlight : “Yeah right…..”
Banker Wanker :”Is it that hard to believe?”
Moonlight : “I don’t want to sometimes…it hurts.”
Banker Wanker : “Ohh…..”
Overheard in Bankerland:
Snoop Dawg : "Don't miss me while I am away"
Banker Wanker : "I will miss you like a zit between my crack"
Snoop Dawg : "Is your crack pretty or not first?"
Banker Wanker : -_- *give up* *proceeds to walk away*
Snoop Dawg : "Hairy?"
Banker Wanker : *flips the finger without looking back*
+++
Prince of Persia is so…bleh. A very ordinary pop corn movie only.
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