The Queen and I are serious movie buffs and since Bumblebee's arrival, we have had to be pretty selective on the movies that we catch on the big screen (we have my mum and maid to thank for babysitting Bumblebee). Thus far, we have caught Avatar (I still long to hump a Na'vi chick) and Sherlock Holmes (dark but interesting interpretation of the characters, Robert Downey can do no wrong). Two movies in as many months is bad by our standards, but the releases have not been great and we have had to prioritize. Which means our DVD purchases have ramped up, much to the delight of Rupi, our friendly neighborhood entrepreneur who swears that pirated DVDs are good for the local movie industry. Not wishing to argue with him (largely due to the exposed flower tattoo and fairly impressive biceps) I normally make my purchases quickly and scoot out in a cloud of anonymity. Before you folks berate me on supporting the triads, copy right infringement and indirectly supporting vice activities etc etc...look, I am not proud of buying pirated stuff and in my very-weak defense, its about the only pirated/fake stuff that I buy on a regular basis. Home entertainment after a day of milk runs, burping, poo handling and night feeds is a NEED for new parents, like what cocaine is to [fill in name of any Hollywood star) and sex is to [fill in name of any male on planet earth].
So, movies watched at home recently; Twilight, Revolutionary Road and Blood The Last Vampire. Don't ask me why there is so many vampire themed movies in the list, it was just the pick and they sucked big time (pun intended). But I tell ya, please go and watch Revolutionary Road if you have not. The subject matter speaks to my soul and is relevant to all married (soon to be married), late 20s to 30s, suburbia, medium income people out there. Kate Winslet, you are brilliant.
+++
So, if you could escape and leave the country, where would it be? I suppose the considerations would be family, kids and all, but lets live a little here and assume that you have turned into a selfish bastard and all you want to do is start a new and escape. So, yes, this is an escapism scenario. Perhaps to wintery Russia? homelife in Sicily? Tokyo? New York? London? If I was April Wheeler in Revolutionary Road, I will choose Spain, largely due to the show Spain - On The Road Again. Also because I would choose a country where I don't speak the language just so that the experience feels more foreign. If I close my eyes real hard (constipation hard), I can just imagine going around Spain in my 6 Series tourer, top down, sun is shining, James Morrison playing in the background and I am in Valencia chomping down on some paella, Catalunya for seafood, hunting the best Iberico pork in Castilla Y Leon, Madrid's churros and hot chocolate and endless coastal roads up north to Galicia. Oh, Charlize Theron (as usual) would be there with me too, but if she is tied-up with her UNICEF initiatives, I am ok settling for Claudia Bassols. She can earn her keep by licking of my fingers while we cook lobster stew on my 30 footer yacht named Charlize. :)
But seriously, have been thinking about leaving the country, more so with Bumblebee in the picture and the state of economy and social/religious disarray that the country is in.
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
--- On Contract Boy : "Back when I was at Super Bank, we did this in Mega Deal etc etc and then we did that in Mega Deal 2 etc etc"
Banker Wanker : "Market in different now and we have already established ourselves as experts in these sort of transaction"
On Contract Boy : "Ok, but I know the Chairman's son so we can try to use it as leverage"
Banker Wanker : "No you can't. I have done presentations to the board of directors and its a chinaman company with the necessary quota of Bumiputra directors and Bumiputra chairman. They ultimately rely on Mr Chinaman's recommendation and we have Mr Chinaman covered"
On Contract Boy :" Oh...."
Banker Wanker : *mentally throws peace sign gawai style*
Banker Wanker feels that Bankerland is hiring too many expensive retrenched foreign investment bankers and realizing thereafter that many of them are just duds.
+++
It is 11 January today and it has been 1 month since Soulmate left and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. I miss ya, write soon.
It has been 11 days since Sidekick left and I feel the lost of a friend and confidante, I miss you dearly, see you soon.
Showing posts with label Banker Wanker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Banker Wanker. Show all posts
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I Man, You Woman...Rah Rah
Currently listening to latest albums by Jamie Cullum, Colbie Callait, Train, Carrie Underwood, Robbie William, Boyz II Men, Bon Jovi and Leona Lewis. Trying to get some new sounds to spur my synapses and hope they fire more this new year. Been digging up some old stuff from my collection too to rekindle memories. Sniff sniff, 80s and 90s music are damn emo la.
+++
I truly felt lonely at the beginning of the week and was pretty lost on Monday after working hours. I didn't want to go back (don't ask me why) and I didn't have any plans for dinner or drinks and the idea of sitting alone at a bar was not appealing. It hit me then that the people that I wanted to be with most at that time was either not around or have moved on from Bankerland. I questioned if my existence was merely a reflection of these people that I have immersed myself in over the years and without them around, that I am akin to the ever changing and formless surface of the ocean at night, seen only through the reflection of the moonlight. These bouts of loneliness is intricately tied to my continued quest to try to rationalize the many roles that I play and the corresponding "faces" that I put on in both my personal and working life. I fear I am unable to say for certain which "face" is the true me and while one can argue they are all a composite of my being, I continue to struggle to identify and define what I am and it is in this failure that I am unable to be truly happy. How can one find happiness when one doesn't know himself first and foremost?
+++
With Bumblebee in the picture and the Queen back to work, my role as dad, husband and provider at home has intensified and is throwing me off my axis again. The sacrifices of trying to fit into Bumblebee's schedule is something I am still grappling with. Although I know I shouldn't, I have been comparing my level of involvement with the other dads I know, and I have to say I have been quite cemerlang. Maybe too cemerlang and my male DNA is simply rejecting it. All this expectations of what a modern dad should be must have been propagated by feminist (through women magazines and day time talk shows of course) sometime at the turn of the century. As a result, we have Metro Dads who are 1/3 daddy, 1/3 mummy and 1/3 Martha Stewart. I can just hear the hoards of women asking where they can find one of these Metro Dads for themselves to induct into full time baby making and post natal care. I suspect you would have better luck in non-Asian countries where feminism have been rah-rah- ing for a longer time. We Asian men still wear the pants and rule the house rah rah. Well at least some of us still think we do :)
+++
I truly felt lonely at the beginning of the week and was pretty lost on Monday after working hours. I didn't want to go back (don't ask me why) and I didn't have any plans for dinner or drinks and the idea of sitting alone at a bar was not appealing. It hit me then that the people that I wanted to be with most at that time was either not around or have moved on from Bankerland. I questioned if my existence was merely a reflection of these people that I have immersed myself in over the years and without them around, that I am akin to the ever changing and formless surface of the ocean at night, seen only through the reflection of the moonlight. These bouts of loneliness is intricately tied to my continued quest to try to rationalize the many roles that I play and the corresponding "faces" that I put on in both my personal and working life. I fear I am unable to say for certain which "face" is the true me and while one can argue they are all a composite of my being, I continue to struggle to identify and define what I am and it is in this failure that I am unable to be truly happy. How can one find happiness when one doesn't know himself first and foremost?
+++
With Bumblebee in the picture and the Queen back to work, my role as dad, husband and provider at home has intensified and is throwing me off my axis again. The sacrifices of trying to fit into Bumblebee's schedule is something I am still grappling with. Although I know I shouldn't, I have been comparing my level of involvement with the other dads I know, and I have to say I have been quite cemerlang. Maybe too cemerlang and my male DNA is simply rejecting it. All this expectations of what a modern dad should be must have been propagated by feminist (through women magazines and day time talk shows of course) sometime at the turn of the century. As a result, we have Metro Dads who are 1/3 daddy, 1/3 mummy and 1/3 Martha Stewart. I can just hear the hoards of women asking where they can find one of these Metro Dads for themselves to induct into full time baby making and post natal care. I suspect you would have better luck in non-Asian countries where feminism have been rah-rah- ing for a longer time. We Asian men still wear the pants and rule the house rah rah. Well at least some of us still think we do :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Banker Wanker Love Guru
Remember the times when a new year was a highly anticipated event, not just because of the celebrations but also the fact that you were about to be a year older and you can finally move up a notch in the age bracket, earn an extra stripe and get oh so much closer to the coveted yuppy age or an age where the adults actually took you seriously or an age where things are suppose to be better as your career, family life etc finally take-off? As I grow older, and I suspect for many out there in my age bracket and above, the significance of a new year is probably less celebratory and exuberant anticipation but more of a sense of mortality, uncertainty of what the year will bring and what it will mean for the future and an overall sense of "yeah, a new year, a year older, getting old hor, what now?"
Will it ever get better Banker Wanker I hear you ask? I don't really know, am still waiting to find out myself, so stay tune.
+++
Midori : "It's hard to do, this breakup thing. Am trying to move on, but its so darn hard letting go, even though you know there is no future to it. Perhaps I just don't love him enough"
Banker Wanker : "Its better and fairer for both sides in the long run, but yeah, it will hurt like hell now. I have been there, done that, so I know what you are going through. But you know about my thing with the Queen? Well, that is the consequences of not having the guts to break away...learn from me la"
Booty Call :"I am taking a time-out from my boy"
Banker Wanker :"Like any game, time outs got definite time...so what is your time frame?"
Booty Call :"Dunno, haven't figure it out yet"
Banker Wanker :"Don't let it fester, think of a time frame, otherwise, it will be hard to extract yourself...learn from me la"
Banker Wanker realizes that many people are learning from Banker Wanker's life....so great ah my life? :) Lerr...so tragic la, hence why always counseling equally tragic people...come come, sit with Banker Wanker, da Love Guru and tell me all your troubles. I am sure I have something in my trunk of life to sooth your heartaches and tears, if not I am always good for a laugh or a short roll in the hay.
+++
Overheard in Bankerland
Capon : "I am blown away by the CV of that person you met, we must try to hire her"
Banker Wanker : "Yes, she is good, which means you got to pay top dollar"
Capon: "Well, we will see about that..."
Banker Wanker mentally throws 100 venom laced shirukens towards Capon's crotch area.
Isabella : "Seriously, you need to stop sending so many emails to client"
Puchong Boy : "Noted"
Isabella : "And you don't have to call the client EVERY single day!"
Puchong Boy : "Noted"
Isabella : "And please clear with me all documents before you send them out!"
Puchong Boy : "Noted"
Wash, rinse, spin, repeat next week. Noted
Will it ever get better Banker Wanker I hear you ask? I don't really know, am still waiting to find out myself, so stay tune.
+++
Midori : "It's hard to do, this breakup thing. Am trying to move on, but its so darn hard letting go, even though you know there is no future to it. Perhaps I just don't love him enough"
Banker Wanker : "Its better and fairer for both sides in the long run, but yeah, it will hurt like hell now. I have been there, done that, so I know what you are going through. But you know about my thing with the Queen? Well, that is the consequences of not having the guts to break away...learn from me la"
Booty Call :"I am taking a time-out from my boy"
Banker Wanker :"Like any game, time outs got definite time...so what is your time frame?"
Booty Call :"Dunno, haven't figure it out yet"
Banker Wanker :"Don't let it fester, think of a time frame, otherwise, it will be hard to extract yourself...learn from me la"
Banker Wanker realizes that many people are learning from Banker Wanker's life....so great ah my life? :) Lerr...so tragic la, hence why always counseling equally tragic people...come come, sit with Banker Wanker, da Love Guru and tell me all your troubles. I am sure I have something in my trunk of life to sooth your heartaches and tears, if not I am always good for a laugh or a short roll in the hay.
+++
Overheard in Bankerland
Capon : "I am blown away by the CV of that person you met, we must try to hire her"
Banker Wanker : "Yes, she is good, which means you got to pay top dollar"
Capon: "Well, we will see about that..."
Banker Wanker mentally throws 100 venom laced shirukens towards Capon's crotch area.
Isabella : "Seriously, you need to stop sending so many emails to client"
Puchong Boy : "Noted"
Isabella : "And you don't have to call the client EVERY single day!"
Puchong Boy : "Noted"
Isabella : "And please clear with me all documents before you send them out!"
Puchong Boy : "Noted"
Wash, rinse, spin, repeat next week. Noted
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Value Proposition
With the spate of resignations in Bankerland, I have had to take a step back and ask what is it that Bankerland can offer to its employees. Perhaps, specifically, The General and Capon, what can they offer to their staff in the department. Obviously in these day and age, money is not and cannot be the only solution to long term loyalty and staff retention. And after much thought and brutal soul searching and reality checks, I realised that Bankerland is just going no where. All this rah-rah about regional expansion are just, well rah-rah. I have severe doubts now on the ability of The General and Capon to lead us to the promised land in a timeframe which is reasonable. I suppose at their level, they have much to lose and taking off to another organization is out of their comfort zone. So they got to stick with this and try to make it work. But it is truly a conundrum when their experiences have mainly been confined to the local market. Coupled with their policy of not hiring foreign help but rely on home grown organic talent, we have the perfect recipe for denial and the inability to execute the roadmap. Don't get me wrong, I am cool with home grown organic talent but sometimes, a dose of new blood could be the needed catalyst for a paradigm shift. On this premise, for the younger ones in the department who can recognize that we are not going anywhere here, the only option to avoid redundancy in 10 years time is to move on to a place that can offer a wider scope of work.
Sleep on it and hope for an epiphany.
+++
If God was an employer and we are employed as denizens on earth (I am keeping all the biblical promises etc out of here and just trying to create a contextual frame), what would be the value proposition for our existence here? Is it to experience sparodic happiness in one's life? Is it to live a path, irregardless of the destination, and say at the end of the day that it was the journey that matters? To enjoy earth and its material objects? To experience love? Is living life as great as its made out to be? Is our existence necessary save for the continuity of the human species? When Bumblebee grows up, what do I tell him when he ask the reason for his existence?
I do not have a definite answer to all of these and perhaps the answer is only realisable towards the end of our lives, which in itself is a true tragedy. Perhaps the trick is to observe the people around us that seem to operate and live with meaning and purpose.Hmmm, where do I find meself some truly happy people, nyek nyek nyek.......
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
-- Banker Wanker:"I do not think our value proposition to our staff is strong..we do not have a regional story etc etc"
The General :"We are working on it, albeit at a slow pace"
Banker Wanker :"Staff might be worried about redundancy in 10 years time etc etc"
The General :"Not true, Capon and myself don't really have much of a regional background but we continue to get job offers from foreign banks..*rah rah rah about past glories*"
Banker Wanker :"The future might be different?"
Banker Wanker thinks that The General and Capon might be suffering from tunnel vision and illusion of past grandeur.
+++
Since the Queen is about to start work again after her maternity leave, we have been planning for Bumblebee's care for the days when we are both working trying to earn the buckeroos to fund his milk runs and diapers. The tricky part really is trying to balance Bumblebee's time with both in-laws and the help they would require to take care of him. The guilt does set in sometimes since it would mean a considerable sacrifice on their part especially to their daily routine and freedom. Don't get me started on the process of trying to get a maid, eventhough if you are willing to pay good money for help. The fear from hearing the horror stories associated with a foreign maid is enough to give me sleepless nights.
Sherlock Holmes the movie starring Robert Downey is cool la, go watch it!
+++
My last post for the year, so be good and have a Happy New Year. Let's turn the page and hope for the best and if the best is elusive at the end of it, we shall and will continue to soldier on because that is the best we can do. Over and out for 2009.
Sleep on it and hope for an epiphany.
+++
If God was an employer and we are employed as denizens on earth (I am keeping all the biblical promises etc out of here and just trying to create a contextual frame), what would be the value proposition for our existence here? Is it to experience sparodic happiness in one's life? Is it to live a path, irregardless of the destination, and say at the end of the day that it was the journey that matters? To enjoy earth and its material objects? To experience love? Is living life as great as its made out to be? Is our existence necessary save for the continuity of the human species? When Bumblebee grows up, what do I tell him when he ask the reason for his existence?
I do not have a definite answer to all of these and perhaps the answer is only realisable towards the end of our lives, which in itself is a true tragedy. Perhaps the trick is to observe the people around us that seem to operate and live with meaning and purpose.Hmmm, where do I find meself some truly happy people, nyek nyek nyek.......
+++
Overheard in Bankerland:
-- Banker Wanker:"I do not think our value proposition to our staff is strong..we do not have a regional story etc etc"
The General :"We are working on it, albeit at a slow pace"
Banker Wanker :"Staff might be worried about redundancy in 10 years time etc etc"
The General :"Not true, Capon and myself don't really have much of a regional background but we continue to get job offers from foreign banks..*rah rah rah about past glories*"
Banker Wanker :"The future might be different?"
Banker Wanker thinks that The General and Capon might be suffering from tunnel vision and illusion of past grandeur.
+++
Since the Queen is about to start work again after her maternity leave, we have been planning for Bumblebee's care for the days when we are both working trying to earn the buckeroos to fund his milk runs and diapers. The tricky part really is trying to balance Bumblebee's time with both in-laws and the help they would require to take care of him. The guilt does set in sometimes since it would mean a considerable sacrifice on their part especially to their daily routine and freedom. Don't get me started on the process of trying to get a maid, eventhough if you are willing to pay good money for help. The fear from hearing the horror stories associated with a foreign maid is enough to give me sleepless nights.
Sherlock Holmes the movie starring Robert Downey is cool la, go watch it!
+++
My last post for the year, so be good and have a Happy New Year. Let's turn the page and hope for the best and if the best is elusive at the end of it, we shall and will continue to soldier on because that is the best we can do. Over and out for 2009.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Welcome to Bankerland
Overheard in Bankerland this week:
--Small Dick :"Eh, Puchong Boy, where is my scientific calculator"
(Small Dick is actually quite threatened by Puchong Boy who is a newbie)
Puchong Boy :"In my bag, I am almost done with it"
Small Dick : "Faster la, I got some important calculations to do"
Banker Wanker : *Rolls eyes* ...yar right, calculating the length of
your dick issit?
-- General's Secretary : "Banker Wanker, can you drive boss to meeting
today? He got no car"
Banker Wanker : "Can, let me go and buy a car this morning first"
*with dead pan look*
General's Secretary : "Hehe" *nervous guffaw*
Bad enough I am underpaid, have to waste petrol from additional weight
in the car. Lan ciao bin.
--Banker Wanker : "Capon, this ain't my deal,its Babi Guling and his team
head's deal, what am I doing here and why am I running it?"
Capon : "The General wants you to be in because you know the client"
Banker Wanker : "But I already have so many on my plate, Baby Guling and his boss only have ONE deal currently"
Capon : :"Its ok, you can combine resources"
Banker Wanker : *Gives niamah smiling look*
Capon, I wish that you will grow a dick back, then we can capon you again just for the heck of it.
+++
Talent management, wow, what a buzz word. Bankerland is embarking on some talent management programme. They require "potential" candidates to fill up this lengthy profile form whick reeks of "Actually hor, we in HR do not really know who the talents are out there, so we are using this form and sending it to everyone who are holding senior managerial positions and above to see if there are any talents out there".
Banker Wanker :"Capon, you know about this?"
Capon :"Yes, you fall within the bank's critical talent pool for
high performers and have been identified as potential
successor in leadership sucession planning"
Banker Wanker only hears blah blah blah blah. Sharpens knife for capon session. *Smiling dementedly just thinking about it*
+++
Seriously, I think I have perfected my dead pan, blur sotong, look interested, smiling dementedly looks.
General :"We need to follow up with this client on the pitch, other banks
are infront apparently. Please call the finance manager to see
whats going on"
Banker Wanker : *Wide eyed, put on interested look* "Yes, yes, we should do that, ok got to go" *runs like a guy being chased by 5
butch females on Harley Davidson bikes adorned with
battery operated dildos*
+++
Goldman Sachs just got an advisory license in Kay-El. Any takers?
--Small Dick :"Eh, Puchong Boy, where is my scientific calculator"
(Small Dick is actually quite threatened by Puchong Boy who is a newbie)
Puchong Boy :"In my bag, I am almost done with it"
Small Dick : "Faster la, I got some important calculations to do"
Banker Wanker : *Rolls eyes* ...yar right, calculating the length of
your dick issit?
-- General's Secretary : "Banker Wanker, can you drive boss to meeting
today? He got no car"
Banker Wanker : "Can, let me go and buy a car this morning first"
*with dead pan look*
General's Secretary : "Hehe" *nervous guffaw*
Bad enough I am underpaid, have to waste petrol from additional weight
in the car. Lan ciao bin.
--Banker Wanker : "Capon, this ain't my deal,its Babi Guling and his team
head's deal, what am I doing here and why am I running it?"
Capon : "The General wants you to be in because you know the client"
Banker Wanker : "But I already have so many on my plate, Baby Guling and his boss only have ONE deal currently"
Capon : :"Its ok, you can combine resources"
Banker Wanker : *Gives niamah smiling look*
Capon, I wish that you will grow a dick back, then we can capon you again just for the heck of it.
+++
Talent management, wow, what a buzz word. Bankerland is embarking on some talent management programme. They require "potential" candidates to fill up this lengthy profile form whick reeks of "Actually hor, we in HR do not really know who the talents are out there, so we are using this form and sending it to everyone who are holding senior managerial positions and above to see if there are any talents out there".
Banker Wanker :"Capon, you know about this?"
Capon :"Yes, you fall within the bank's critical talent pool for
high performers and have been identified as potential
successor in leadership sucession planning"
Banker Wanker only hears blah blah blah blah. Sharpens knife for capon session. *Smiling dementedly just thinking about it*
+++
Seriously, I think I have perfected my dead pan, blur sotong, look interested, smiling dementedly looks.
General :"We need to follow up with this client on the pitch, other banks
are infront apparently. Please call the finance manager to see
whats going on"
Banker Wanker : *Wide eyed, put on interested look* "Yes, yes, we should do that, ok got to go" *runs like a guy being chased by 5
butch females on Harley Davidson bikes adorned with
battery operated dildos*
+++
Goldman Sachs just got an advisory license in Kay-El. Any takers?
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