A life of compromises

My whole life has been a series of compromises. From birth up to now. When I was a toddler, I had my suspicion that I was an “accident” and confronted my mum about it. Her response was vague but enough to decipher the truth. The decision to keep me was a compromise of sorts in my parent’s marital woes and obviously I wasn't a very effective solution cause my dad did leave us eventually.

In pre-school, I was hopeless at mandarin, but as a compromise to get a pass, I was persuaded to take on a female role in our yearly pageant. I obviously gave an Oscar winning performance cause I got 100% all the way for mandarin without ever lifting my pencil or uttering a single word of mandarin. Heavy make-up and wearing girls clothing will forever haunt me.

In primary school, I told my mum that I wanted to play table tennis full time and join a Chinese association for daily training. She said sure, provided the association feeds and cloth me till I was 18 (brrpptt, I could always feed myself with my table tennis winnings). Her other requirement was for the association to make an application to the NRD to include the association’s name into my name, she said it was for my own good and protection. I thought it was a brilliant idea and spoke to my coach about it. At the end of the conversation, I thought coach was introducing some new training technique that involves rolling on the floor and laughing out dementedly. Moms can be cruel that way.

In high school, I compromised and settled for this girl that I wasn’t even really interested in to start with. I just wanted to get fresh with her. Her best friend (who was actually interested in me first) dated my best friend (I gave up my right for the sake of my buddy). They were perpetually screwing like bunnies in summer heat while I was stuck on 2nd base with my compromise. The irony.

In college, it was either a car or an oversea education. On hindsight, this is a no brainer, but seen from the eyes of a college kid, it was an excruciating compromise. An oversea education it was. Thankfully I had rich friends who would lend me their ride for my dates. The compromise, I get to do their homework for them. A compromise that I was happy to agree to for some compromising positions in their car.

Rushing through university then my work life, the compromises just kept piling on. And here I am, in my 30s, still compromising at the expense of my own happiness.